Grounded

I've been very hard on myself this week. This is nothing new to me, but it takes weeks like this for me to remember that it's not all going to fall apart because I didn't get something done or get someone called back. I remember one time in particular that I 'tried' to ground myself even.

We were working on a family tree book for English my freshman year of high school. On my dad's side of the family we have the Courter Family Book. I somehow talked my parents into letting me bring it to school, with a strict warning from my father about how important it was. So what did I do? I left my back pack on the concession stand outside of the gym while waiting for the pep bus. I just wanted to see what the other kids were doing in the gym.

When the bus showed up, I went to grab my bag and it was gone. I looked around and tried asking people if they saw someone grab it. No one knew anything and the bus was about to leave. I climbed on with a sick feeling in my stomach, not knowing how I would explain this. As luck would have it as I was walking up the drive-way, my dad was just turning in and stopped to pick me up. I don't know how I told him, but somehow I did. He was disappointed and he and my older sister went back to the high school to look for my bag.

I decided to 'ground' myself to my room. The sick feeling not going away. After a while I went to tell my mom, that I had decided that I didn't deserve to go to my thespian induction that night. In hind sight, I now see that I probably did that so that I would go, but at that time seeing people was far from what I thought I wanted. My mom decided that it was best for me to go.

After explaining to my drama coach (who happened to be my English teacher) and getting some support from my drama friends, I ended up having a good time. Though I never quite got rid of that sick feeling in my stomach. My dad and sister came up empty handed, but a couple days later, it mysteriously showed up.

Maybe I'm a little over dramatic when I don't live up to mine or someone else's expectations. To this day I still get a little teary eyed when I think of that day, even though all turned out well. I am still learning to forgive myself for my shortcomings. A tough lesson to learn, but one that will never be forgotten once it is learned.